Round that Mountain... Again.

I'm sitting here. Wondering just how, once again, I got here.

Over the years I have gained and lost. Bought some confidence, tasted a slice of freedom, cried a whole lot and at one point bought a pair of size 6 jeans.

After losing nearly 80 pounds over the last 3 years... I've found nearly 50 of them again.

Now my size 12 jeans are tight.

I'm wearing hats (which I happen to love), not doing my hair or makeup as much... silently putting away my now too-skinny clothes.

Once again I'm here. No longer resisting the pull of the dark and hiding.

SHAME.

FEAR.

LOATHING.

Hello old friends.

I always say its going to be the last time... and for 3 years I thought for sure my battle with myself was over.

I'm beginning to think its just begun, perhaps it will never end.

I don't know a whole lot, but what I do know is that I don't want to waste what should be the best years of my life.

So here I go again. Back around this mountain. Possibly, for the last time.